PL, this is the pot calling the kettle black but yes, for me, keeping up with your posts can take more time than I have at any given moment so it takes me awhile to get to you. Maybe in the future, journal and then post some specific questions relating to your "journal" post that we can help you with. That way, even if we don't have time to read the entire journal entry, we can refrence it to answer your questions or offer you some specific advice.
Now, as for the latest monster post (lol)...
I think you handled the "getting hit on" thing pretty well. Good for you in trying to help the man out.
As for the "document", I agree with RB whole-heartedly. You need to STOP checking it. I COULD check my W's cell phone anytime I want. I suspect that if I checked it today when I got home, I would see OM's name in the "recently called" list but who freaking cares. I am not focused on the A or OM right now, I am focused on me and my marriage. I'm not in denial, just trying to focus on what I have control over. It's that framiliar refrain from DB that calls us to get past our attachment to the affair and treat it like the symptom it is, and not the disease we think it is. You say it's a problem because you snooped one time. I snooped only once in all this to look at my W's phone and it IS a problem because of what I saw, but I stopped it immediatly from being any MORE of a problem because I just decided to stop snooping. YOU are the problem here. There is nothing magical about that document that MAKES you look at it. It's your choice and you keep choosing to look. Choose not to and then choose to get past it.
As far as him communicating with OW from your home, I think that was a hotly debated issue awhile ago in your sitch, finally settleing on this being a boundary you felt you needed to set and enforce. If that's the case, then you are being true to yourself to keep it in place. Otherwise, I again agree with RB that it seems like you are making a big issue out of something that is going to happen one way or another...or at least USED to happen one way or another.
The problem is that you say he keep updating the document and thus you assume that there is still stuff going on but YOU DON'T KNOW what is actually going on, even if you read the crap he puts in there.
And finally, I do feel for you about the Dr. Laura, both that you ignored your H trying to tell you something, and that you have her book (lol...kidding...sorta). It really does suck to look back and see SO clearly the wrong choices we made all in the name of marital complacency. We were SO sure things would always be "ok" because we were married and that's what being married was all about, eternal "ok-ness". Oops...guess we were wrong. Don't beat yourself up. You know better now and you CAN still learn from this. You can discover what he was trying to tell you back then and maybe at some point discuss it with him.
Sorry it took so long for me to give you some feedback. I will try to do it more often in the future.
