We've been at the rebuilding our marriage stage for 20 months now. It seems to me that this is an entirely different process than getting through the "we're on the verge of breaking up stage". For instance it makes sense to avoid OR talk in the latter stage but it is very important to have honest, self and spouse nurturing OR conversations in the rebuilding stage. It is important that these conversations build true intimacy, respect and appreciation for differences between spouses and self respect and appreciation. I've learned a lot but want to remember that there is always a lot to learn and I want to go for it.
Dialoging (as we learned at Retrouvaille) has helped us more than anything else we've done. What I find most wonderful about it is that it is only a technique and we provide all the content. It promotes intimacy because it is about accepting and understanding feelings without viewing them as right or wrong.
It seems to me that putting a marriage back together transcends "dos and don'ts" the exception being: Do be kind to your spouse and yourself. But maybe I have somewhat to learn in this regard as well.
What's most important that you all have learned?
[This message has been edited by alottolearn (edited 02-25-2001).]
