Thought I'd offer you a little different take on this. I have come to believe that deep down everybody wants "it all" meaning a real committed marriage. They may convince themselves superficially that freedom meets their needs better but there's no self or other respect in that so ultimately it is unsatisfying. Now, it's true that somepeople go through their whole lives without figuring this out. So the challenge becomes finding the way to not only not enable this but to LOVINGLY disable it!
It doesn't help to belittle our spouses. Most of them are good people too who are very confused, disappointed in everybody (especially themselves), and are too frightened to take a good look at themselves or their situations. Most of us have been (or will be) just as messed up as they are at one time or another. Herein is true compassion. I know what it is like for it to seem impossible. For some reason it seems like a requirement for things to look utterly impossible before the solution presents itself. Guess this is learning in the best sense of the word.
So, though my suggestion isn't specific, it is to process your understandable anger into a loving, self, spouse, and family respecting response. I have been fortunate that in the times I am really able to do this AND to wait patiently, my H melts...maybe not right away, but it really does seem to be irresistable. If I ever get to the point where I get this down a lot of the time, I'll be one happy camper .
Wishing you well in figuring out the best way to handle your dilemma.
Love, ALTL
[This message has been edited by alottolearn (edited 02-22-2001).]
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