Thanks you all-I sincerely appreciate you guys lifting me up and getting me pointed back in the right direction.

I have figured another thing out-what I am missing, what I need from my H is for him to display more empathy towards me and what he has done. I know he is sorry and that he regrets immensely what he did...but I need to see his empathy for how I feel.

I try to feel empathy for him, once I get past my initial anger and sadness I can see how the A affected him-how sad he seems, how he never thought he'd do such a thing, how it goes against his values and his vow to me, and how he feels like such a shit for hurting me, and how confusing it must be for him to not really know WHY he did it-knowing it was wrong and thinking that I'd leave him.

I know he hurts too. I just wish he'd tell me once and a while and let me help him through his pain. I think I might actually be able to say to him "I forgive you" if he were to be open up to me in that way.

I found some articles on the internet the other day-one by Michelle and a few others, one by Dr.Peggy and another interview-type article by another dr...I read and highlighted things I felt applied to me, my perception of him and the A...I left them on the dining room table. I didn't mention them to him as I did not get them for him. However, if he sees/saw them and chooses to read them, I would like that. I may ask him about them when we have some time and see what he thinks and if he did read them (they had been moved from where I left them)-he knows what I need.

I have noticed that he was somewhat more 'huggy' towards me the day before yesterday he held me tight for a long time after he got home and yesterday afternoon-we played hookey together-he called me and asked if I could meet him for lunch-and 'did I really have to go back to work?!' We went for a ride on the bike, out to lunch and then shopping for our 6 year olds birthday which is today, it was nice.

We shall see...and you are right, there are many things that are working for us, I mean, hell, I'm still here! I do not want a divorce. I want my marriage back-not to the way it was, but to what I believed it could be when I said "I do".

And I recognize that yes, I am very needy-much more so than I used to be. I need constant confirmation and reassurances from him. I told him the other night that I don't know who I am anymore, and what I should have said next is that I do know that I want to be his wife/partner/lover and grow old with him. For some reason, I kept that to myself.

Luv,

Pooh (that one made me laugh out loud...think think think!! I love it!!)