Me2, Kent is right, so right in fact that I am printing off his response to you so I can get it through my thick head. Your h may not be quite at the point yet where he is able to fully give to you. My h wasn't when we "reconciled" last year about this time, and when I pushed and showed him my upset and anger, he retreated right back into the tunnel where he stayed for a long time. We had much more interaction, and much of it negative over the past year, where I got to the point where, to use Dr. Harley's phrase, my Taker started taking over and I no longer cared whether the marriage worked or not. That's whn my h fully came out and started getting more affectionate and mroe open to discussing, especially my feelings of hurt. I have found that it depends on what I say and how I broach the subject. For example, if he thinks he's going to get a lot of questions about his subversive, sneaky behaviour the last year, he doesn't want to talk, but if I talk in terms of how he felt, how I felt, and needing to understand why things happened, and show him that I am not out to nail him, but to better understand, then he is more open. I think we have to accept that this is a long healing process, and longer for some than for others. It may be part of your nature to dwell and obsess, I know it's part of mine, and I intend to go back to counselling to try and sort this out, and see if my counsellor has any concrete suggestions as to how I can get over this hurdle, at the same time that I encourage my h to be more open. Without some openness, and communication, I don't believe that we will last past the honeymoon stage again, which is where we have failed in our past two attempts to get it right. My h does seem more willing this time, but I could also push that over the edge, so yes, you have to be very careful. Kent is right on though with his advice. Going back to re-read Db is a great idea.
