H and I have been trying to get away together for a weekend, my mom offered to watch the boys so we could go away for our anniversary (in March) but so far with his schedule and holiday weekends with family we have been unable. Hopefully in May.
I took notice of your description of how you look to your W to lift up your spirits and realized that I expect that from my H and that this is how I believed us to be. We had (I thought) an understanding that we would always "be there" for each other, if for no other reason than to make the other grin. Even while he was overseas (while A was going on ), I'd say to him (email/IM or phone) 'please just listen and let me vent-I know you cannot do anything about it-I'm not asking you to fix anything...just listen to me and tell me you love me and that you'd hug me if you could'. I also assumed he would want the same from me-like he always had...when he didn't, I verbalized my concern-that I WANTED to 'be there' for him...listening to him vent would take me away from the 'issues' of my day. Is this a difficult concept to grasp? Escapism? He apparently thought it too taxing.
I guess this was ignorance on my part-or maybe I just overwhelmed him, I dunno. I have always been described as one of those women with a 'strong personality'. Mom always said I'd need a man who was 'stronger' than me....thought I'd found him. Now I'm not so sure who I have.
Nothing worth the effort to have is ever easy to attain and keep fresh and vibrant-I know it will take work, and I will have good days and bad days...but how come I seem to be the only one that rides this roller coaster? H just goes along as normal. It scares me. I didn't see the forest for the trees before...am I lost in the trees again? And WHY am I seemigly so diffucult to talk to? H used to have no problem talking to me...I mean, if I didn't leave him for cheating on me then what ever is he afraid of? What, that if he tells me something deep I'll leave?
I would just like to see a little more evidence of remorse from him...a more visible attempt to 'win back my trust and my heart', and oh, I dunno, occasionally I'd like to see him depressed over what he has done...sounds pretty sick I know, but it would give me some measure of comfort to see him sad on occasion. He told me at the beginning of this mess that he wanted my help to fix what he broke...soooo....
