Me2, Boy can I relate to those feelings sometimes. They are getting fewer and further between now that I hold myself responsible for them. Yes, our spouses made some bad choices. But we can't resent them for it forever. We need to let go of the resentment or let go of them. That really is the choice.
Some days, I am only there for the kids. On these days I ask why I feel this way. Usually it is because nobody has lifted my spirits. I still look to W for this even though it is unfair. We are responsible for lifting our own spirits.
The difference between now and before the affair is you were innocent/ignorant to the dynamics of your relationship. That old saying of ignorance is bliss seems true. Now you realize the marriage is work and you long for the ignorance again. If you choose the ignorance, chances are good the history will repeat itself.
Time to think about doing something special. Something for you and something for H. Me, I love cheesecake. Now let your imagination wander a bit.
