Our first year togethor was really good but from what I have read that is typical based on the excitment of a new relationship.
After about 12 months her sister got pregnant and she apparently got a big fear of pregnancy even though she was on the pill and we used condoms. She didn't share her fear of pregnancy with me but did become very LD. I didn't know what to do and was very subtle and sensitive addressing the situation, she was very sensitive to the topic and we made very little progress. Over the next 8 months or so my subtleness subsided and I got very frank and resentfull. We are to the point now were we talk more and she doesn't keep stuff like that from me but It seems that the baggage of the past is somthing that keeps her from really getting into sex because it has been somthing we have fought about for so long. (I can't really blamer her on this...but I tried to be subtle, loving and sensitive in the beginning but it didn't work. )
AS for foreplay I love it and could spend forever on it with some one who was enjoying at much as I was.
This weekend we went out of town and spent two nights in a hotel I hoped to have some romace and passion but it didn't really happen. We left in a big hurry and forgot one of our two contraceptives. We use BC pill and spermacide to be extra safe. (Condoms adjatate her and our sex life got alot better when we stopped using them) Any way no sex for me and it wasn't like she wanted to any way so... I fantisize about some one who in this situation might actually want to have sex and suggest we go get some spermacide from the store and actually be dissapointed that we forgot...if that makes any sense. Of course I could make the suggestion or go buy it myself but do you see how this situation just sends one of many signals to me that she really isn't into sex or could care less about it? We went out and had some drinks one night and we got back I suggested we have a 'foreplay only' night becuase of the lack of contraceptive and she reluctanly particpated.
I always imagine sex and foreplay between two passionate people like this: One person initiates and does somthing mildly sexual or sensuational and the situation esclates, for example the other person might recipricate with thier own sexual or sensual act and then the other person would inturn respond with another act. But when we are ML she just lays there and barely participates. We have literly made out for an hour with out her giving me any signal that she would like to percede further.
I wondered if she even really understood what I meant when I was explaining this concept to her so I tried to be specific but I havn't seen a change.
Lets say for example I iniitate by giving a back rub, then tryin to kiss and 'make out.' We would just keep making out with out her sending me any que that she wanted to percede. Then I might take her shirt off and then go back to kissing but no que from her yet. Then I might take her pants of or mine etc...but never get any ques from her that she wants to percede and it is very lacking of passions and awkward. Sometimes I just stop and say, "It doesn't seem like you are into this." but that is a bad idea because then she stresses out that I will be mad or somthing and the moment is really ruined and she will feel like crap and feel like she did a bad job or somthing. So I am kind of stuck not bringing it up. Its not like saying "it doesn't seem like you are into this" is going to help the immediate situation any.
I would always bring up that I would like it if she initiated more and she still never initiates and in teh rare case that she does it is somthing like htis, "hey maybe we could go into the bedroom and cuddle or fool around." Which is great but then our same old routine ensues with little to none participation on her part.
Our routine from that point would be passionless kissing for a few minutes with no actuall escalation, I might try to go further and she is willing but not recipricating. 9 outa 10 times at this point she will be not turned on, but our routine usaully envolves me going down on her which I like to do, and actually gets her into the mood. After a few minutes of me going down on her she will tell me that she is ready to have sex, and be pretty adamate that we do right then even if I suggest she let me go down on her for a few more minutes. Then we have sex in misionary position and we are done.
If I suggest a different position besides missionary and the occasional her on top she just says she doesn't like it and no. Plus if in the middle of ML I suggest any thing different from the missionary routine she gets all nervouse and acts like she is totaly not into it and the mood is completly gone.
Some times I like to try sex from the spooning position but she never lets that happen. Doggystyle would be nice to mix in every once in a while but that is also a no. I mean what position we are in isn't the main concern I just want passion and reciprocity, playfull and satisfying sex with some one who is turned on.
