In need of advice.

[Brian_M]

slipperysammy
This may be hard to believe, but the situation you described is very common. In fact, I relate to 90% of what you listed there myself as I am nearly in the same boat. Though, you have a huge leg up on a lot of us here in that your partner is putting forth effort and actually trying. That is a very positive foundation to build on.

To get more specific, I vehemently disagree with the “just do it” concept. As you are already realizing, passionless appeasement sex is not going to work for long. Eventually, resentment will build and then everything will break loose. You need to stop just doing it for your pleasure alone and find positive pleasures for your partner. Though, it is perfectly fine if you both have different definitions for pleasure. For example, your partner might get emotional pleasures from an encounter. There is a book called “The Pleasure Zone” that does a great job of explaining this concept. Though, the bottom line is that she needs to get something significant out of it too.

Since your partner has little experience and no fantasy head, expecting her to be creative and just come up with idea on her own is unrealistic. Instead, my best advice to you would be to own the fact that you will probably have to drive the process of exploration into her pleasures. My suggestion would be start exploring physically that is more mental and spiritual. Simply trying out new physical methods is probably not going to work. For example, popping in a porno and saying, “hey, let’s do that” is probably not going to yield results.

Hope this helps