Thanks for the replies. we have been going through this for a while, and every thing you say is true. As far as leaving that is sooo hard, because I love her so much and she loves me so much. We are best friends, and she really loves me and cares for me...she just doesn't have the libido.
I can't imagine walking away but at the same time I fear this will be a life long problem, that is why I am putting off mariage, but how long do we work on this? It just seems there has to be more we can do to fix this.
This problem is taking a toll on both of us, and is so hard for me because I have no one to talk to. We have been doing better at talking about it, but generally when I bring it up it turns into such an ordeall that I feel it would have been better to stay silent...but then I build resentment and frustrtion. Overall the situation is incredabily frustrating because I feel like there is no one to talk to and no solution and staying in this sexless relationship and leaving seem like both horrible options.
If I were to talk to her today she would be horribly confused because just yesterday she offered a 'quicky' but it felt so much like she was doing it because we hadn't had sex in a week and she wanted to do her part but there was no passion or foreplay. There has been some progress the last few weeks so I want to keep trying, but her desire seems to be the biggest hurdle.
I think it is hard for her to understand the whole desire thing, because she has never really been that kind of person so she can't really understand what it means to be horny and just want some one. I long for her to want me, to think I am hot, etc...I think that is why I am having those insecure dreams about her getting the sex she wants from some one else...I have a fear that I am not what she wants sexualiy.
The last discussion we had we talked about things we both wanted out of the relationship, and she gav me a list of things like treating her better, giving her more time and making her feel special I told her I was happy to do tose things, and that I probably wan't because of resentment. After reading the book I think she understood that. I have been trying to do all those things and we are making some improvement but she still hase libido problems. But I guess she wouldn't neccessarilly think it is 'libido problems' because she would say that is just how she is and thinks that is normal.
Is it normal to never have sexual fantesies or masterbate to ever get horny? I just wish there was somthing we could do to increase her libido just a little, because I think it would help what we are going alot and make our struggle with this problem so much easier.
Any way thanks for listening this message board is my only outlet so it feels really good to get some of this out.
