First off I have lurked here for a few months but this is my first post. First I have read Sex Starved marriage and have a few questions. Secondly my relationship is not a marriage but with a girlfirend who I have been with for almost four years, and we want to get married but this issue stands in our way.
Overall we appear to be a text book case of her being LD and me being HD. The book really helped us but I still have some questions that I hope to have answered here.
The book really helped us understand each other and overall our where we were each coming from. After reading the book the amount of sex we have been having has increased but I am still finding my self unsatisfied for several reasons.
Overall I think my unstatisfaction is because despite more sex it seems she doesn't enjoy it any more then before, and the increased numbers don't neccessarily mean more quality or satisfaction. Now don't get me wrong bless her heart for trying but in the book in recomends that the LD person 'just do it' but maybe it isn't 'just doing it' that the HD person is looking for, maybe he is looking for a mutual reciprocity of passion and sexuality that 'just doing it' doesn't satisfy.
For example I love her so much and she is my best friend but she has no libido. If we have sex it is to appease me and she is a trooper about it and cares for me and loves me and wants me to be happy but for whatever reason she doesn't get turned on or have a libido. All you HD people know how this can make a guy feel, what it does to his self esteem and confidence. I am an attractive, fit, active guy who feels so lonely, unattractive and sexually ignored.
In her defense she is trying but she literlly has no libido, has never masterbated, never had a sexual fantasy, and doesn't really understand sexuality. Despite my pleading she will not initiate sex and if she does it is just "maybe we can go in the bed room..." or somthing like that which is'nt bad, but she is saying it because she knows we should have sex...not becuase she really wants to. I never get any of the attention during foreplay and sex is always the same routine and generally passionless.
What do we do? The book does a great job of helping each other understand the person perspective, but in the case of no libido what is next?
