Hi Me2
I just read thru your thread and wanted to offer some additional thoughts. It is just from my experience but perhaps some of it may be of use to you.

My WAH just returned 6 weeks ago. He had an ow
that I only recently discovered via email as well. The letters they exchanged were so raunchy. It was a horrible way to discover that H was not only unhappy with me but sexually involved with someone else for 7 months. H had alleged he only wanted out of our bad marriage-always denied there was ow.
2weeks ago we ran into her at a club and she came up to us and started talking to H. She backed off and left us alone but I finally got to see the little twinkie. I wonder what would have happened if I reacted like someone from the Jerry Springer show? I just looked at her and had a nice smile on my face. Not because I am so virtuous but I guess because he IS with me.
I still have the emails in my dresser drawer.
I refuse to look at them. It only puts garbage in my head. I keep saying to myself....'H picked me. He is with me..She saw him with me'. You see..I have to choose what thoughts I allow in my head. Do I imagine him in bed with her and feel depressed? OR do I think of ways to be a good wife? Believe me it is tempting to try and punish H and throw her in his face when I want to. I choose to keep the past in the past, daily. Also..I want my former marriage to H to stay in the past,too. We are trying to build something new. The old ways of relating have to stay away. Can you find a book on rebuilding marriage? What about something like Light His Fire? If the sparks are gone..dont we have a part in trying to put them back? Rather than wait for the other person to initiate something?
How long did you DB? Are you not thrilled to have him back? Perhaps there is more to your story than this thread. I only mean to encourage you- not condemn.
I am just so glad to have an opportunity to have a 2nd chance with H. If I feel myself going into the taking for granted mode- I want to get us help ASAP. There are a couple of books I have on order..Love Life for every married couple (It is Christian) is one of them. I think not feeling married would not feel so good. I hope you and H can somehow move to a more fulfilling relationship. I just offered my situation to let you know it is possible. Jilly