A-day has come and gone and I have survived. I feel guilty but not once did I say the words "Happy Anniversary", I just said "you too", somantics I know, but I still do not feel the same bond. I'm sure he noticed but he didn't bring it up. We had a good day. We've been having good days.
I wrote down my goals for him. I think he was surprised. (pleasantly). Now the trick is to live them.
Letting go is so much easier than holding on to it all-all the worry, anger, fear, mistrust, betrayal, hurt, more anger, and well, y'all know the rest of the cycle. I know this, but sometimes the logical mind and the emotional one are not in sync. I try to imagine a time when it won't be first and foremost in my mind...and wonder if we do ever really reach that place?
It is a very gradual process and I want to be able to wake up one day and have it all be gone-but that's just not reality now is it?!
