I let go of the resentment and other bad feelings 5 months ago. I felt it was essential to reach my goal. Did I think about leaving my W. Absolutely! There was a time last September where I felt it inevitable. Then I asked myself some questions.
What are my goals. 1. Be happy. 2. Be in a loving relationship with W. 3. Keep my family intact and healthy.
Nothing else is really important. If I did leave W, I could not meet 2 of my 3 goals. I don't presume that the next relationship would be any better than the current one. With my goals set. I started working on what it would take to achieve them. The resentment, disrespect and suspicion are counter productive to reaching any positive goal. I was in crisis when I snapped and let the bad feelings go. I still get twinges and do my best to squash them.
You are still on this quest. You need to focus on finding what it will take for you to let go. H can't give this to you. You must do it for yourself. I suggest you start by forgiving yourself for whtever it is you hold inside. Next, you need to find forgiveness for H. As Michele says, " forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself". Why? Because it lifts an enormous burden from your soul.
This is really important to address. Get whatever help you can. Perhaps your preist or minister can help provide counsel. In the end, you must let go. The only other choice is to bury it. I gaurantee, it will all resurface. It did for me.
