There are many things H and kids do that make it all worth while, I have never thought that all this was not worth it-if I did (think it was NOT worth it), I certainly would not be here.
The marriage thing tho....that bothers me, I took my vows seriously-perhaps too seriously. My only guide to base things on is the one I saw (and see) from my parents and their marriage. They have been married for 35 years this year-HAD to get married (I have a 35 yo brother)-although they say they'd have gotten married anyway-it just sped up the process! They have always been fiercly loyal to one another-very 'hands-on' still laugh together-still have a healthy sex-life, they are best buds-I am very close with both of them, and even though they went through a rough period when I was a kid-counseling helped them (Marriage Encounter)-anyway-my point is that I have been trying to impose their type of marriage on my own. Expecting the same. Unrealistic. Like Kent said I need to id and then ACCEPT my marriage for what it is and nothing more.
They say that all you ever need to know you learn by Kindergarden-our moral personality is set at a very early age-and their marriage was the only example I had.
Thinking about my H's parents-married 50 years in June (with a 4 year break-divorce/re-marriage....they don't talk about it much-I only found out this year and we've been together goin on 10 years). Sure isn't a lot of love/affection there-confirmed by H's sister-not really a traditional "loving" home growing up-at least by my standards. I hope he feels comfortable enough at some point to let me in to that. Will bring it up in therapy next week-unrealistic expectations based on childhood experiences-maybe it will trigger something in him. (?)
