Thank you so much for sharing your story and wisdom with us!
I am past 40 months of separation... no Or talks during the last 2.5 years.. last what I hear -- he wants to be alone and all what's left -- gratitude and responsibility.
However, he doesn't seem too happy being left alone, and every time he seeks emotional support, I am there for him. I myself, after stopping chasing and moving out, don't ask for any support -- and he doesn't like it, you know! He nearly demands that I bring my troubles to him... talks about removing the barriers... (last words four years ago -- that good fences make good neighbors)
There is more warmth and clsoeness betwen us, perhaps, more than there was during the last pre-crisis years. Well, definitely much more!
But -- BUT:
no even hints about reconciliation... Unless I take "we need to talk about many things" as such. And -- he would offer me any help, give presents, bring me gourmet food, but then would suddenly disappear for days or weeks. And every time he re-appears, he has SUCH a voice... (emotional or work problems, etc) that there is no posibility (for me, at least) to turn him down and pretend I am busy and can't get together.
And it goes and goes like this... Soometimes I think -- maybe he is waiting for me to make the first step? He, who pushed me away so hard, probably feels guilty and is afraid of rejection. And I am also waiting for him to make a step forward because he explained it so clearly that eh doesn't want to be married...
What do you think I should really trust -- what he said and repeated many times (but more than two years ago), or should I assume that he regrets what he said then but doesn't know how to take it back?
the only reason I have not touched the subject is because I haven't lost the hope to lead him into a new kind of a relationship without him noticing it, like when such things happen for the first time. And when those things hapen, you never begin with asking direct questions what is what, right?
Can you give your view on the stages of their MLC -- how firmly they believe in what they say, how do they change their opinions, if they do it ("how" -- when, after what events or thoughts, what actions you can take to fascilitate it), if they do change their opinion (about being left alone, etc), how do they begin to admit they were wrong (or they never do?) or how to help them to come to peace with it?
