I think I can relate to your wife regarding her aversion to being touched in certain places.
Let me just say first that I was a LD wife in my first marriage, but in my second (going on three years) I am very HD. It would be an oversimplification to assume that I didn't love the first. Because if my LD attitude in the first M was because of lack of love than I might conclude that my current LD H doesn't love me, when I know that he does.
After much thought into why we respond the way we do, I have come to the conclusion that it has something to do with what I call "marital supply and demand"
With my first HD H, I knew he always, ALWAYS wanted sex. And he didn't just want me to lay there. The thought of sex for me with him just seemed like so much work. A funny thing about our marriage: in 20 years, he never successfully initiated sex. When we had sex, I had to start it. And the starting started several hours before we went to bed. I had to mentally prepare for sex. Talk myself into it. He and I both accepted this as the way it was. I just couldn't feel pressured into it. Unfortunately this arrangement left him still not getting sex as much as he would like, but it was better than nothing.
By contrast, with my second H, who is very LD, I find that I crave his intimate touch. On the rare occasions that he slaps my bottom, I love it. It makes me want more.
Finally, I arrived at my "supply and demand" theory and armed with this insight, I use a little reverse psycology on my 2nd LD H. I don't make any move toward him or even hint at sex. But when conditions are right (and those conditions might be different for your wife than for my H), I do things around him that I know turns him on. I dress, do my hair and sweet talk him all day. He loves when I do little things like fix him a glass of ice tea and bring it to him while he is working outside. I hang the laundry out on the line in my short shorts, pull weeds in my garden, and play other stupid little games to attract his interest. Then, when its time for bed (this was the hardest part for me to figure out) I pretend to fall asleep (with my head on his lap) or just go to bed.
It doesn't always work, he is after all a LD spouse, but I still find I get lucky a little more often with this no pressure game.
This little mind game will not work however, if you and your wife don't have an understanding about how often, in general, you have sex. Mine knows that I start to get really mean after more than a week of neglect. So maybe he is on to my game. But it still helps to remove the pressure.
Our agreement is sex at least 3 times a month, but I let him choose when.
The hardest part is waiting to see if he'll respond. Sometimes he doesn't. And if we hadn't set a predetermined guideline, I'm pretty sure this wouldn't work.
anyway, I don't know if you can use any of this info, but it wouldn't hurt to try. I firmly believe in this "supply and demand" theory. It is the only explanation I can come up with as to why I feel HD in this M but was so LD in my other.
