Hi Mike and Deb- It so good to read that you're both in the piecing category. Maintain the positive mental attitude and remember that a gradual, albeit sometimes difficult, rebuilding is necessary to go through in order to reach the prize!
Deb, the first couple of months after my H's return were hard at times because I initially wanted him to do everything "right" so that I could trust completely again. Despite the logic I see in hindsight in the whole situation, I had difficulty comprehending that he was supposedly sure he was here to stay, but not simultaneously ready for every aspect of our relationship. Most of our OR conversations came when things were comfortable and relaxed between us. I somehow remembered the ongoing DB principles not to pressure for more talk during my individually stressed out times that often had nothing to do with what he was or wasn't doing.
It is safe to say I guess that my separation implicitly taught me how to think a little more before raising unpleasant issues, prioritize better, and relax on my own to get centered. Nevertheless, it would be less than truthful if I implied that I did not have some slips and slides when my H returned. Some made me so uncomfortably vulnerable. The key, however, is that if they happen, keep them to a minimum and remind yourself that, until he is ready to show you in his own way that he is 100% committed to you and your life together, you must find ways to allow the necessary time to pass. He likely has his own issues and fears that he is dealing with and sees things in a less time senstitive manner.
Hang in there and dig deep inside for strength, knowing how wonderful it is that because of your efforts you have reached the stage of rebuilding. Best of luck and hugs sent your way--Jamie
