Here is a message I originally posted on another board explaining why some men grope their wives at "inappropriate" times. Of course, un-consented touching is wrong and he should stop if it bothers you. But this might help explain what motivated him to do it in the first place.
What follows is going to be an over broad generalization. And stereotypes men. Yes, I understand that not all men are like this. Or think this way. And I am going overboard to highlight the point. So even those men who do think this way some of the time may not think this way all the time or most of the time or as crudely and bluntly as I explain it here.
That disclaimer aside. I think that touching, for males, it is often about possession / permission. That is, we want to touch lovely ladies. As adolescents, we are denied the ability to touch most or all of them. Being allowed to touch a female body is a special occasion. It is something we desperately want to do most or all of the time. But we are not granted permission very often.
When we get married, a big part of what we are looking for is PERMISSION to touch our wife's body. That is part of the trade. Not every man marries for this. But I think a lot of men feel (deep down and they might not even be conscious of it) that one benefit of marriage is that you get to touch your wife's body whenever you want to. Not just sexually. But in a more playful "hey, I get to touch your boob and your butt. This is great!" kind of way. That is part of what makes it worth giving up the right to pursue any other woman. You think to yourself, I may never get to touch anyone else, but at least I get to touch this one wherever and whenever I want.
A woman's body is "forbidden fruit" to most men most of the time. There is a huge ego rush from the idea that she will let you touch her. Even non-sexually. I don't think women with "groping" husbands should overlook this motivation. It is totally different than the sexual side of the relationship. So "why are you grabbing my butt, we had sex this morning?" is off target. He isn't groping your butt because he is horny. He is groping your butt to prove that he can.
To address this, you need to think about alternatives, not prohibition. Show him how you do like to be touched, don't merely complain about how you don't. Ask to be touched when you are open to being touched, don't just say "no" when he wants to. Tell him what times you are most likely to be in the mood to be touched, so he can get some positive feedback if he initiates touching at an appropriate place and time.
I also agree with w8ing that this may be a misguided request for attention. Last night at dinner, S11 complained that one of his classmates constantly interrupted the daily recess kickball game by walking across the field, preventing the pitcher from rolling the ball toward home plate. That boy is not a good athlete, so he refuses to play with the other boys even when they invite him. Mrs. Hold and I explained that sometimes people do inappropriate behavior to get attention, because to them even negative attention is better than being ignored. I can easily see a guy groping his wife to get attention if he feels that otherwise she is going to focus on her "to do" list and ignore him until it is late and she is tired.
This sounds like a problem that can be overcome through patient communication. Good luck.
