Hap Just let go of the need to have sex, let it float away from you.
I hope you don't intend this advice for HDH's in general. Letting it "float away" is not a possibility without some other consequences that would be detrimental to the M or myself.

I will also keep in mind that a SSH that has duty sex with his W should be somewhat appreciative, considering her LD frame of mind.

I think it is really easy to see how a W who does not have the insight I have spent a lot of time and trouble in getting to would not have been able to react this way, would have shrugged H off, would have ended up with him feeling PO’d and more grabby more needy.
I take that to mean you realise your or your H's needs will be different and that you can have enough empathy for him to be somewhat flexible in your LM activities. WTG.

How do I know this, because I freed myself of the need to protect myself from H’s advances
That sounds good if I read it as you don't need to feel bad if your H makes an sexual advance. like in I was able (and it was a struggle) to get past the lack of desire and do it for H.

If W offers “duty sex” take it and be glad, truly glad, show her the affection you feel, make her feel like she has done a good thing not something second best. Reward her efforts
Hap, how about if I do this?
"If W offers “duty sex” take it and be glad, show her the affection you feel, make her feel like she has done a good thing, and reward her efforts."

There is a psychological concept that works well with low IQ kids. It states if you "over reward/praise" someone, they eventually try less and less and some give up.

I am not criticizing you or advising Cemar to do anything in particular, although would suggest he acknowledge and appreciate or reward his W for making some effort in maintaining at least a minimum SL.

reward the good and she will strive harder not less.
 That is the way it is "supposed to work" but not the way it always works.

I think some people lose their SD. That is the way it is. And some of those people that lose their SD, don't have much empathy for the sex starved spouse (SSS), then the SSS shows less interest in the LDS and there is the downward spiral.

Some LDS's have a certain amount of empathy for the higher drive spouse and have something like duty sex. Maybe that is all "they feel" they can do.

And of course there are spouses that know the DHS won't stick around if there is no sex in the R or like sparkless said (when I feel that H is going to lose the plot soon)

Sparkless It took me a long time to come to terms with the 'he isn't the holding hands while walking down the street type of guy' and I never tried to make him something he wasn't.
Sparkless, true you cant "make anyone" but you can tell them and "sort of" train them to do some things your way.

Sex was OK, but I never O'd much.
Did you want to "O"? If you had it to do over again would "O'ing" more often, influenced you to like sex more so it was not "duty sex"?

I know SAHM's need nore than what happens in the bedroom to feel connectet to their H's. I know daily activites and being/feeling like part of a team is important.

I was thinking about what a W could say, so her H would consider her needs more. I came up with an idea or line that goes like this.

H, I see you really get excited when we ML. You know it takes me longer than you and I am envious of your excitement. I want that too! I feel so good when it happens and somewhat lost when it does not happen for me. I realise "O'ing" gives me a "fix" in addition to feeling real good when it happens. Can you do A B C so I can get my "fix" the next time (day or two) when we ML?

One reason I use the word "fix" is that is what I feel. If I go a long time w/o sex and just MB, I don't get a good "fix" that relaxes me for a day or two.

Ladies, don't laugh. It (fix) is more than in my head. My blood pressure (BP) goes up with stress (normal) and down when relaxed (normal again). After some fair to good sex, my BP drops 5 to 10 points. After some duty sex, IE. "yes you can have it if you make it fast", my BP goes up. Why, because of the resentment that sex is dolled out like it was shortening someones life.

I am not talking about ignoring BB all day then jumping her at 9:45 PM, doing it for 10 minuets then getting off and going to sleep.

Now I just have to work out how to enjoy sex again.
What about stating what you need, how your body and mind works?

I read a book once, I think it was called "Our Bodies something," most likely 'Our Bodies, Ourselves' a long time ago. It was for teen aged girls but I think guys can benefit from reading the book? Why, because some guys don't know what women deal with everyday.

Anyway, for me it cleared up some false impressions I had. Reinforced that women and men do some things differently and most of all, females have extra tasks (physical and mental) that they have to or want to do. IE, sometimes it is nor easy being a female. Think of a book that a guy would consider the user's guide and service manual to females.

At the time I read the book, I was a mechanic and read lots of service/repair manuals. FWIW.

Just some thoughts Sparkless. Wish I could help guys understand their W and relationships more.

Lou