Quote: Why are certain areas of the body off-limits until you are in just the right mood?
For example, if I get into bed at night and reach over and caress the wife and start massaging her legs and back, and slowly work my way up the body, and let my hand graze her breasts, I darn near get my arm cuttoff, like I did something horrible. I don't understand this reaction.
Cemar, do you acknowledge that people have wildly varying preferences in regards to absolutely everything involving humans?
And everyone here could give you an answer, and it is very possible that not a single one of them would be factual for your wife.
Why don't you go right to the horse's mouth?
"Wife, Many times when I touch you, you react in a way that lets me know you don't like it. What don't you like about it?"
Quote:
Why would a person NOT like to have their body touched. H#ll, if my wife just hopped into bed and grabbed my d#ck, I would think I had died and gone to heaven. So the attention I crave to have done to me she hates. This makes absoalutely no sense to me. And its not like I grab her parts all the time, it happens far less then once a week. Why does it take arrousal before I can touch the forbidden areas without risk of losing limbs?
Like I said, this reaction is the OPPOSITE of what I would do, so it is tough to understand.
You aren't her. She isn't you.
When NOP and I were deep into our more unhappy times, I didn't want him touching me because I didn't really like him at the time. I loved him, but I didn't like him.
Higher libido folks have the ability to look past that because they have enough sexual desire to do so. Lower drive people don't have the same desire to help them push through their resentments, hurts, anger, whatever onto sex.
You have said here that you don't love your wife and you may have said that you don't like her. But your sexual drive is high enough that you can make love to her in a generous way with someone that you don't like and would probably leave if your conscience would allow.
So, maybe your wife just doesn't like you very much.
Then again, maybe she likes you alright, but doesn't respect you. You've hinted around before that financial stability is a biggie for her and that it was something with which you might not have been very successful.
You look at her and see someone you can enjoy having sex with. Maybe she looks at you and sees a depressive man who seems to resent the children and who has made some bad financial choices and can't seem to express himself verbally.
I don't know if any of the above is true.
I also don't understand why you don't understand that people have different preferences/desires.
I like blue cheese, NOP would blow chunks if he inadvertantly found it on a salad. He loves mushrooms, I despise them.
The fact is that you have never given us enough information about how the two of you go about your day, or of any *specific* instances, or of any conversations. You act here as I invision you acting at home.
Do you have conversations? From how you have represented yourself here, this is how I view you. A verbally silent man who resentfully goes through his day with no interaction of any sort with his wife. Who, on occasion, explodes with physical desire and who then tries to physically express that desire with a woman who hasn't shared 50 words with him the whole day.
Why don't you share a conversation, an argument, an area of ongoing disagreement that gets verbalized - something? You know someone here might have some insight into what can happen to reach your wife, but we'll never know because the only way you will interact with us is to randomly explode with a
"Why does the LD woman xyz? I would love xyz, but my wife doesn't. I just don't understand."
I would hazard a guess that your conversational difficulties are very similar when interacting with your wife. Silence, frustrated outbursts, avoid a response, rinse and repeat.
When are you going to try something different JUST WITH US?
