Quote: Then I told her if she wanted to talk about it that I was here for her, that she knew where I was. It's so hard to see her hurting, to know I caused it, and to see her drive away, oh
Well, you didn't cause it all, so go a bit easier on yourself. She played a role in all this too.
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What's your source of strength during these times GH; it takes everything I have inside me to get through it, to not take in my arms and tell her "it'll be OK, hon', I'm here for you. I Love you and I'll do whatever you want to make you feel better."
Reading, my C and most of all, the wonderful people here that have been there for me in my darkest hour, ready and ABLE to help me, even if it was just to say I was not alone. I doubt I could have gotten this far without them.
Other than those things, I guess one source of strength, oddly enough, is my quick realization that I had SO much growing to do and that through this terrible thing, I was given the opportunity to do that.
Look, I want to do and say all those things, all the time, but a HUGE part of this is understanding that you CAN'T fix her, nor should you. She is on her own journey, and it's painful but necessary for her to experience it on her terms, not yours.
I did ask you if it was possible for you to just give her a hug to let her know you care in a deep way about her. Sometimes I know I have been guilty of talking to my W when she really just needed a hug. If it's not possible in your sitch, then I understand.
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She's not like most women I've met; she's so resilient, so strong, she can handle things as I've never seen before. I'm amazed she's still here, I don't understand why she hasn't already filed given the way she feels/is feeling. I suspect that it's the children.
Maybe, but it's also probably that she is confused as to what she really wants and is trying to figure everything out. That's why it's SO important for you to "get it" as you seem to be and start making those personal improvments. You are going to make the changes for you, but in the end, you clearly hope she notices and is influenced to look at you in a different light. Realize though that it will take considerable time for her to see such change as lasting.
Quote: I'm going to put them to bed and have a few beer, maybe read the Langs. of Love book (it's difficult because I can't really implement any of the information I learn in this book, not really the way I want to).
Well, I think there is a lot of great stuff in there that you can use as a tool to look at yourself and your W and see where things may have gone wrong. In that respect, it is a GREAT time to read it. I read it LONG before I could ever implement any of the things I learned but learning them did help me in HUGE ways to understand why my marriage had gone so sour. I consider that book, which was the next one I read after DB, to be one of the most helpful, along with the relationship bible, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. You WILL get something from it.
Good luck tonight. I know it hurts to see her go, but with any luck at all, this GF will be supportive of her AND your marriage.
