Quote: having to compete with another man for my W’s affections and Love, and the violation and trespass is simply overwhelming.
As much as you can, try to put OM out of your mind. it is not about him. It is about you. What can you do to make yourself a better person for yourself primarily and the end consequence being for your marriage as well.
DR has a technique to stop those thoughts. Every time you start thinking about it, envision a huge red stop sign. Sounds silly but over time it really allows you to control those negative thought patterns.
Many of us have found that this utter turmoil has caused us to wake up from our complacent lives and really become the people that we were destined to become. This is god giving us all a wake up call.
I have never experienced pain like that I have endured in the past six months. But you know what, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I could have *probably* changed on my own but it wouldn't have happened so fast and with absolute certainty that THIS is what I need to do to reshape my life.
Remember the best part about DBing is that regardless about what happens with your W you will come out of this a better person, more whole, more honest with yourself.
This is a journey and it starts with you. All you can do is change your life for the better. If she is ready to see it, she will. If she isn't then your life has still changed in a positive way.
Keep posting. You are making the right first steps to healing the chasm between you and your W.
And I would recommend the book "For Men Only." It really describes what women need from their partners. And of course M/V is an invaluable tool to understanding the needs of your wife.
