GH, thank you for responding and taking the time to honestly address the issues I've posted.
Your summary, as well as your deduction regarding pre-existing problems, is accurate.
RE: The C issue - Well said; done.
RE: The continued controlling - Again, well said, I hadn't previously perceived my attempts to “fix” our M it in this way, but when honestly doing so now I have to admit you're correct.
Yes, I do have a ton of control (and related) issues; it's how I've always been so fiscally successful, even as a young child; that is, until now.
I understand, however, that it has indeed contributed much turmoil to my social life; this is one of the items on my list-of-behaviors-and-mannerisms-to-change.
The 3 days of being "good" was simply an acknowledgement of the fact that I'd finally started to "get it." I understand that my words will not convince her. The articulation was intended to be light-hearted, not one of pride, but thanks again for your blunt honesty, I'll keep this thought in mind.
RE: Your reference to the "I can't believe..." quote - Yes, I was foolish enough to say it, aloud, to her.
I'm a logical/scientific/technical personality, one that, unfortunately when it happens, gets emotions mixed in the wrong proportion and follows an inappropriate methodology. As soon as it came out I intuitively knew it was wrong to have said.
I am indeed sincerely trying to understand her perspective, and thanks to this BB and other resources am beginning to understand many things, about myself and my W.
At this time I am experiencing emotions, feelings and states of mind that are truly new to me, insecurity and a feeling of being pathetic are a huge problems currently, and the issue of another man being involved and further mudding the water is constantly gnawing at me.
The thought that not only do I have to continue to improve myself, encourage or set the stage for a reconciliation, but also having to compete with another man for my W’s affections and Love, and the violation and trespass is simply overwhelming.
I have been grappling with the question of how the knowledge could help our situation; I’m simply confused, scared and insecure.
