1st off....it's not bad to snoop if you feel something is wrong or off kilter in your R. You will find that on many infidelity support BB's (and my MC told me this same thing) that if your instincts or gut tell you something is up....do what you have to in order to find out what's really going on. Otherwise you are only fooling yourself.
Please don't think I'm saying your H is fooling around elsewhere, he may not be at all....BUT MANY people have affairs that start at the office and grow at the office. MANY people have affairs that don't appear to have the time to fit something like that into their schedules too....you'd be simply amazed.
I'm optimistic for you though that this isn't the case with you. Ok...you are going to have to open up to us much more about the R between you and your H. What's going on in your lives? Could he be experiencing some type of depression? Are there money/family issues that could be weighing on him?
Do not hesitate to write a novellette on here....the more detail we have, the more we can help you out. Please don't make us fish for answers....volunteer anything and everything, you are safe here....you are annonymous to all of us.
I notice that you said your H fully "gets it" when you two are talking, my guess is....he really doesn't but he doesn't want to tell you that (he'd be not good enough again.) Repeating what the other person is telling you, is nothing but parroting. My H has done the EXACT same thing with me.....and sometimes, I honestly do think he has understood what he/I were saying. However, "IF" your H doesn't feel like he's good enough right now....he's also likely to think "why even start trying, my efforts won't be good enough anyway....I'll only disappoint her.....it's easier to just do nothing, to say nothing."
I used to try to talk about our issues til I was blue in the face...my H would just clam up. Most of the time I felt like he was even ignoring what I said, that was so very painful. I later found out that....he actually thought he was being kinder to me by not saying anything, rather than saying something he knew I wouldn't like to hear. In reality though...what he was doing to me was more painful. I wonder if this is something your H may be doing as well.
You two really need to be headed back to MC lonely.
Oh...and my H went to his Dr. at the beginning of our process too (almost 3 years ago)....I'd have bet his T level would have been off, but it wasn't. I can't tell you how disappointed I was when everything came back normal. I guess I thought that if something came back abnormal...then that was a validation that it wasn't me (although it's not you hon)....and it could be something fairly easily fixed, I thought.
This can get better, but it's going to take a lot of work on your part, and a lot of patience & perseverance.
