Hi, nice to hear from you. I know we've chatted before but it has been awhile. I'm happy to hear that things are going well for you and H.
I understand what you mean about not being "enmeshed". My W and I used to be very much so, but maybe that was the problem, too enmeshed. We seem to be doing ok with things...we both have our own lives and lives together, but I would really have a little more time together than we do. For instance, I would like to go away with her to Bermuda or somewhere and have told her so. But she doesn't right now. However, now she is planning a trip to the Bahamas with her sister for May!! I don't mind that she is going since I also go on a golf trip to Myrtle Beach every fall with some buddies, but I wish that WE could go on a trip and spend some time together first. It's things like this that make me feel like I am not a priority in her life...her needs and her desires are the only thing that is important to her. What about me?
I think that since you and your H have such demanding schedules, that you really need to sit down together and create a plan to spend time together. I know it isn't the most spontaneous thing, but that is the way it is and you both need to find the solution to the issue. (remember, solution-based!!!). Talk to him about it. Would he be willing to discuss it?
Me2,
Wow, it sounds like you've been through the ringer. My W and I both did some dating when I was separated last year and while I never did anything much physically, I can't say the same about her... I really don't want to know the details. But the fact that we both did have other relationships created a challenge when getting back together. You look at each other and your marriage in a different light. You will never forget all the hurt but if you can forgive and move on from here, you'll be ok. It sounds like he is sincere, but like you said, you need to be patient. Take it slow and don't lose yourself by doing things for yourself. When your H sees that your world doesn't revolve around him, he'll begin to appreciate you and your marriage that much more. Keep the fun and friendship alive in you marriage too.
Lost Hope,
Yeah, the flowers were a good idea, but last night, there were definitely no fireworks in our bedroom....we were both asleep by 10. I would have liked to have been intimate (not necessarily sex) but she gave me know indication that it would be welcomed and I've learned from past experience not to push the issue.
I also have the same feelings as you ....sometimes things seem good, sometimes very good, other times it seems like we're back where we were before, dangling on the edge of disaster. Its during those times that I'd like to go and find someone who wants to be with me and vice versa. Yeah, I'd like to scream too at times. Are we asking for too much??
