I'v been lurking on these boards for a few months now, in hopes that what I read will help me in any way. Somethings have. But I have a hard time turning to people for help. I'm the one people always turn to. I guess I'll just start at the beginning.
H40 M39 D15 S10 D7 Married 17yrs Together 20
It all started around 8yrs ago. My H had an EA with an OW for work. That lasted for about 6 months and then he ended it. I had suspected the whole time but he denied it just like they all do. I got conformation about the EA one year after it ended. Found love letters from her that he had keeped in a desk drawer in the garage. Long story short went through counseling, got our marriage back on track, and things started looking good for us. Than our sex life started to decline and keep going down hill from there. For a long time I have just put up with sex maybe once a month if I was lucky. I did put on a few pounds when I was working out of the house, but now that I'm a stay at home mom, I have lost 50lbs. Looking pretty good to other guy's, just not my H. I'm only 5' and 110lbs. Told all the time from people they think I'm in my early 30's and for them to find out I'm 39 floors them. I have told my H over and over that I need him to be passionate, caring, ML to me and everything that goes in a marriage. This all came to yet another big blowup last night with another night of no touching, no kissing, nothing. I repeated again how I am dying inside and I afraid of what might happen next. I know I will never step out on my marriage because I know far to well what it can do to person. It destroy's you. You will never be the same person again. When I do talk to my H about our sexless marriage he gets quite doesn't know what to say. I told him last night don't talk to me ML to me. And he said that he has to be the one who initiates. I was beginning to see that this was happening because when ever I did try to be intamite with him he would just roll over in bed and go to sleep.
I'm so at a loss as what to do. All my crying, talking, sleeping on the couch, nothing seems to help. I just want my H back the one who used to want me at the drop of a hat. Never shy as to what he wanted, need and desired from me. Thanks for listening to me. There is so much more that I would love to say, but like I said I'm not the kind of person to reach for help, everyone comes to me for help. Now it's my turn. P.S. I haven't told my 2 best friends about my problems becuase they have currently stopped talking to me because they both are having PA's and they know how much I do not approve.
