DID,<P>Hello, and thanks for writing. Trust me, I know what you mean about the one day at a time thing. I want to jump in headfirst and have a hard time holding back. Like, today is Valentines Day and I bought my w a nice card. But, I said to myself, "damn it, I don't want to give her just a card, I want to send her a dozen roses!! And I don't care if she thinks it's "too much, too soon". I wanted to express myself and how I feel about her and wanted to be a little romantic. I'm sick of holding back and not being myself. So, I sent them and you know what...she loved them! She called me at work and she said they were beautiful and she said she really appreciated getting them. Whew!! Isn't it terrible that a husband has to think about sending his wife roses on Valentines Day because he thinks she wont't appreciate them? <P>DID, try to give it time and just remember, it wasn't too long ago that thing were not even this good. That's what I keep telling myself. Even though she doesn't wear her rings, even though she rarely tells me she loves me, even though we are only affectionate/intimate when it suits her, things are still so much better than 2 months ago when divorce was certain. Like you said, one day at a time. Look at the postitives and not the negatives. Also, your attitude might be creating anxiety in him. Remember, PMA!! It's contagious. <P>Pixie, Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I'm sorry that things aren't working out for you. You're so right when you say that it is the actions of both partners that bring us to where we are today. I suppose that you really need to focus on yourself and do things to make yourself happy, although I know its easier said than done.<P>Survivin,<P> I don't wear my ring either but only because I lost it a year and a half ago and have been waiting to see if I should buy another one. Hopefully, someday she'll buy it for me. I do go out also and have a good time but sometimes, I can see how it would be very easy for me to get in trouble especially if we're having troubles. So, I try to keep it to an occasional thing. I would much rather be going out with her but I also realize that it's important for us each to have our own time away from each other too. It's such a balancing act!<P>Lost Hope,<P>I have to agree with everything you wrote. I also have a hard time sometimes keeping with my work out schedule too...some days you just want to say "screw it!" but you know what? I always feel so much better after I do and I love seeing my friends at the Y. Doing things for myself over the past year really made the difference for me and got me out of the major depression I was in. I even tried meds for a while and they did serve the pupose at the time but I am so glad that I can cope with anything that comes at me now. I couldn't have said that 1-2 yrs ago. I think that your H and my w are a lot alike. Mine also refused counseling and isn't the most affectionate person on the face of the earth but she can be when she wants to be. She also says to give her time. Do we have a choice?? Hang in there LH, I'm using the same script you are and even though it isn't at the pace we'd like, it is working and we are getting those baby steps which is a lot more than many on this site get.<P>To everyone....Happy Valentine's Day!! May God's love and blessings be with us all.<P>Dave <P>
