Hi LH- Congratulations LH! Although every situation is certainly different, I think I can relate to much of what you described and share some things with you that I encountered and have behind me now.
Until our reconciliation at the end of this past summer, my H and I had been separated for over 21 months. We had had frequent contact with one another, much of which was likely attributable to our two small children. I'm unsure whether there was an OW, but I believe there was not. When my H first came home there was little beyond brief kisses and hugs with which he felt comfortable. I lived the frustration I read in your post and craved so much more in affection when my H attempted to assure me that things would just take some time and that I simply needed to be patient. As odd as it may sound, I guess we truly needed to become best friends again--not just pretty good friends who happened to be married.
Part of the dilema that I now see clearly LH is that, on the one hand, it is very significant that they have returned home, but, on the other hand, it is such a major step that it triggers our wanting things to occur almost instantaneously that will seemingly give us firmer and clearer assurance that it is not a test run for them and that our lives are not once again in some sort of holding pattern. When not kept in check, it is our fear and uneasiness that can run rampant and overshadow our realization that everything is just fine the way it is for right now. LH you need to find the strength that you drew upon when you were separated and wondered what your future would be. The intimacy will develop as you spend more time together and enjoy each other's company. Continue to have fun and the sparks will fly.
On the issue re. why your H is home (missing the kids? missing you? missing the house and homelife generally?...) be careful not to let those questions play games with your head. They can eat away at the positive vision you have and waste your energy. I speak from experience on that one and felt great relief when the day came when I realized we were making consistent progress in rebuilding our marraige and that my scrutinizing of the possible reasons for him initially coming home was less and less important. My personal belief is that probably in most of these instances they come home for the whole package of things. My H regularly tells me now that he is so happy and that he cherishes the fact that we are all together. He more frequently than I suggests getting a sitter so we can have time out alone. I am happier than I have been in many years.
In a nutshell LH, time will likely continue to heal things for you and your H and the things you want will come to you naturally in your relationship. Be creative with fun ideas for the two of you and maintain that positive mental attitude. Best of luck--Jamie
