Thank you AlexN for pointing out that I am being rather ungrateful for what I've got. No that's not me being cynical or sarcastic. It does help sometimes to come to this board and feel again that you are in a better position than others. It helps kick your humility back into check. I've been lied to for most of my marriage, he basically sent me away and had an affair, and then our worst nightmare happened when our daughter died. I know there is an enormous empty space in my life and there is nothing I can do about that. Maybe I am trying too hard to pull us together so that I can at least feel better about one thing in my life. Life doesn't stand still for your grief, it keeps on going whether you want it to or not. People think I'm wonderful the way I have 'coped'. Thing is, you don't cope with it. It is simply a part of your life for the rest of your life. I'm not taking that out on him, I couldn't do that because this is the second time this has happened to him. He lost a child in his first marriage and now it has happened again.
But for me, well I know that there are times when I need a little help to get me on track. That wasn't my intention when I posted, at least not consciously, but I am grateful that it worked out that way. It is so easy sometimes to get bogged down in the everyday things and forget about the big picture and I appreciate the reminders.
I shall make it my foremost aim to be more appreciative of what I have and verbalise it much more often. I know I need to do that and I know it makes a difference when I do it. So why am I being stupid? Just feeling sorry for myself and that is something I really don't like so I shall stop it immediately.
