Back again. AlexN, there is a lot of truth in what you are saying. Michele is right as well. I have allowed myself to drift because for me it is so simple to say I'll do something and just do it and I do get very frustrated at being told again and again that X will happen and then it doesn't. I think I have got to the stage where I'm simply fed up being good all the time and being criticised when I fall down irrespective if he's doing nothing to change anything about his behaviours. It's not easy to hang onto not playing the blame game when it is being played against you all the time. When right and wrong are his principles of choice and you are doing everything in your power to do that all differently with no rights and wrongs. It's hard to be aware that you are talking without blaming and to be told that you are trying to blame them just because that's the way they want to hear it.
Yes, I am aware that I am complicating everything with my negativity at the moment and I am looking at that. Turn around time again. I shall have to dig in to my detachment again and put myself back on track in a more positive way. I'm doing that already. Realisation hit me hard the other day when he said he was frightened of me. That came like a bolt of lightning. Time to look at my intentions and aims again as I am apparently going in the wrong direction. I get too fired up about things sometimes and it for sure is working against me. He says he knows what he has to do so once again I will shut up and let him sort himself out. I'm trying to hard to be a fixer again. As Michele says, that's not clever. So time to look at and change my game plan in spite of the fact that this is looking like a life's work. I know, one day at a time, one step at a time. I should shut up and slow down. I'd better get on with it.
