Here's a short history. My wife of 7 years, no children walked away last February, initiated the legal process and we went to court for our one and only hearing on 10/24/00. The divorce will be final 120 days from the court date. In the time that we seperated we had regular contact, argued tremendously about splitting up our debt. She has been seeing someone since we split up, the affair started at around the same time that we seperated. I chased her, cried to her, pleaded with her and we all know the outcome of that. She ended up further away. I stopped doing that around June.
I have become very adept at reading my STBX wife through the tone of her voice and body language. The last time that we saw each other before the court date, I attempted to greet her with a cheek to cheek "kiss", she pulled back, we talked for about an hour that day, just chit chat, cathcing up on each others lives.
Here's what happened next...a week after our day in court, the night before Halloween she called my office voice mail and left me a message. She said that she was carving a pumpkin and was thinking of me. She's from Europe and never did that until she met me. She said that it was nice to remember some cherished memories. For the first time in 9 months, I could tell that she had a smile in her voice.
I sent her an email the next day thanking her for the message and we started talking. She told me that it has been an emotional tug of war and that the holidays coming up were helping her to remember the good times. Something she had a hard time seeing when we first seperated. (she always turned into a little girl at X-Mas, her favorite holiday and we always spent the time with my family which she was very close to).
She has since told me that she would like to get together for dinner and, in her words, a one on one talk. We've had to reschedule dinner due to an emergency with her family and we've talked a few times. I can still see a difference in her tone of voice with me, it's much more cheerfull. We met briefly before Thanksgiving, she had bought some treats and a toy for our dog, when we parted she told me to say hello to my parents and give them a hug from her, I looked at her and we both started to cry a little, I walked over and for the first time in 9 months we embraced in a hug.
I told her that I know how much this process has changed me in the last eyar, I can only imagine the changes that she has gone through. We are both stable and happy in our lives, except for the heartache of the end of our marriage. We're both dating, she is still seeing the same man.
I told her that I don't know if the woman that she is today is someone that I would even want in my life. But, I would like to find out for sure.
Should I suggest counselling? There's a retrouvaille weekend on JAN 12th. I asked her to go before and she didn't want to. But, this was before the recent change in her attitude.
Is there anyone out there that's been here? Is she just having second thoughts or coping with the finality of going to court?
