I think you feel like you are "in love" when you are sexually infatuated with someone that you also "love". For instance, I was infatuated with Mick Jagger when I was 15. I love my H (even though I currently am considering ending the relationship) and I have felt like I was "in love" with him off and on throughout our relationship. I think it is possible to have a long term relationship in which you could pretty much continuously feel "in love" with your partner and have that feeling returned. I think it is also quite rare and something most people shouldn't plan on attaining in their lifetime. Most of us are probably better off settling for passionate sex or committed love and not hoping to have both. We should just keep dollar cost averaging our love investment into our current relationships and keep our love bank books tucked securely under our mattresses. Surely such sensible behavior will pay off in the end. Remember risk aversion is the right road to happiness in all human endeavor. Who wants to be "in love" if first you have to fall and then rely on hope or faith alone that someone will be there to catch you?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
