Fortunately, once my H gets started he has no problem with being aggressive in this manner. Unfortunately, the fact that the actual sex is frequently quite hot between us makes me more rather than less frustrated with his lack of overall desire. If he was a car his problem would be closer to a tricky ignition or empty gas tank- he has a high powered engine and tight steering.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Never TMI for me Lil
You ladies are terrible! You know, we should start a SSM Sexually Frustrated Erotic Writers Guild. At least that would provide a healthy place to vent.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
The night on our vacation after my W's mother left, I got VERY drunk...more than I had in years. Woke up when W came back into the room (she had apparently spent most of the night in my DD5's room). Later, as I was nursing my hangover with a cup of coffee, she sternly told me she would not tolerate that kind of behavior. H: What kind? Drinking? W: What you did last night. H: I don't remember much after you went to bed. I don't even remember going to bed. W: (realizing that I was probably telling the truth, and softening her stern-ness) You don't remember what you did in bed? H: Nope.
She told me that I came to bed, touched her arm, and she said she didn't want to be touched. She said that, after a couple of minutes, I touched her again, "sexually", and she left the bedroom because I was getting "aggressive."
I apologized, very sincerely, and told her that I had no recollection of the event.
It was actually a pretty positive conversation.
Geeze...I was really drunk...a combination of frozen margaritas, mudslides, and wine. It's a wonder I didn't get sick.
However, on a related topic...Lil: that wasn't TMI...that was "just enough information."
I'm sorry to laugh but that is actually pretty funny. I can just picture your drunken self pawing Mrs. Hairdog and her thinking - WTF, didn't I just say not to touch me? I'm glad she didn't get too mad about it.
I think she was ready to tear me a new one, until she realized that I no recollection of anything, and that I likely had no idea what I was doing at the time. That, plus an honest apology for my bad behavior, really reframed the whole situation.
Damn Harry, she really is keeper of the balls, huh? How about something more along the lines of: "well MrsHD, I don't remember what exactly I did, but if I was doing that then you must have been looking mighty fine and I must have been feeling pretty horny for you. Take it as a complement that I still have such a high level of interest in you even knowing that you'd sooner bite my (fill in the blank) off than be sexual with me. I only apologize for the drunkeness, the rest is the true Hairy coming out and you're just going to have to get used to it, because I'm not hiding it anymore."
Hang in there. Mrs. HD likes to test you but I think she is showing much more respect. I'm not sure that in the past she would have allowed you this kind of "mistake" without a whole lot more flack.
Had a nice long weekend. Sunday night H sort of initiated sex. Well, in his very wishy-washy way which I just could not bring myself to go along with. Probably bad, but here is the setting: Sunday night I'm in bed getting into a book, in less than sexy pj's, face cream all over me. H walks into the bedroom and says "Should I shut the door?" It takes me a second, but this is his form of initiating for sex. We usually keep the door open to hear the kids if needed. So when he asked, I said, "Is that supposed to get me in the mood?" or something bad like that. He's all the way across the room, doesn't even attempt to come close to possibly "warm me up" to the idea and I got a little annoyed. It's not like he was turned on by me (trust me), I looked less than attractive at that moment. So we get into this discussion about I feel like he is only initiating sex because he "should" since we didn't have it at all in over two weeks (remember last weekend was the drunken incident) and all week he still did not initiate. Then Sunday, his lame attempt just annoyed me. I told him I felt like we have no passion together. That our SL is all so structured, not spontaneous at all. That I don't feel like he has any passion for me. So he says "I do have lots of sexual passion for you. I just will never show it the way you have it in your mind that I should." hmmmmm Maybe he is right. Am I expecting too much from him? He says he loves me and has sexual passion for me. Should I not believe him because I want him to be more aggressive/assertive? Why is it soooooo hard for him to just jump on the bed and tell me he wants me right then and there? He just CANNOT do that, as much as I want him to, and as much as he says he feels passion but cannot express it in that manner. Says he probably never will. I should accept him for who he is. I knew he was like this from day one. blah blah So is he right? He says he still is willing to work on improving our SL but that basically I need to lower my expectation if we are going to work this out. I'm still letting this all sink in. But that is the most honest my H has ever been with me. He said all of this in a very sincere, loving way. Not angry at all. But stated factually what he can and cannot give to this part of our M. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about the whole thing. Any comments are welcome.
I think your H picked that time to initiate because he didn't feel any pressure from you. He knew you were in the " getting ready for bed" mode and not in sexy mode. The problem is, of course, that you want to feel you can be sexy, and you want some sexy initiations...and I don't see how that is " over the top." Your H gets points for trying to initiate and for having an open, honest discussion with you...sometimes it's just hard to get back into the groove after a gap of time.
My advice is to lower your expectations, but don't set them too low. You aren't being unreasonable for wanting a shred of sexiness in bed.
You know, we should start a SSM Sexually Frustrated Erotic Writers Guild. At least that would provide a healthy place to vent. 
He's all the way across the room, doesn't even attempt to come close to possibly "warm me up" to the idea and I got a little annoyed. It's not like he was turned on by me (trust me), I looked less than attractive at that moment. 
