your H is a very lucky man on so many levels Lucky for me, he feels the same way. Thanks Brian for your continued feedback. Many of your comments have helped me become more introspective lately as you noted. Maybe you really should become a C.
Well H initiated...not sex ...but actually a very good R talk. We were sitting on the couch last night and he said "How are you feeling? Are you ok?" I almost started crying but held it together. I said yes, just felt like there was tension between us. He said I agree and apologized. He didn't say anything specifically about the SL but alluded to it by saying he is having a very stressful week at work and he knows it is affecting the R. He promised to really work on reducing the stress. I thanked him for being honest with how he was feeling and we ended up having a very intimate cuddle session that night, no sex, but I was fine with it. Lots of EC was flowing so that is good enough for me right now.
I'm curious--are you the dominant one OUTSIDE of the bedroom? Do you basically run the house, the kids, the bills, most of the household responsibilities? I also want to be dominated in the bedroom and sometimes think it is because I just want to relinquish all of my daily responsiblities and submit myself to him/almost be controlled that way, but my H is like yours and has a lot of reservations and is not very easy to talk to in that manner either.
Good question Anorsexia But the answer is no. The only thing I consider myself dominant in is our communication. He takes care of all the bills now, makes most of the money, deals with more household repairs, etc. I am home more so take care of the kids more but he does his fair share there too. He is not a freeloader in any sense. Never has been. He is excellent at his work and as a father. Confident in those areas. It is the H role that he can sometimes lack confidence and thus it has affected our SL. He is really working on this area though so I am hopeful for the future. I just find it curious that he can be so confident in other areas and when it comes to sex with his W, intimacy with his W, he struggles at times. We had a great talk last night prompted by him and that really boosted the intimacy so I am happy for that. Of course I'd love him to assert himself sexually but it needs to be his choice, not somthing I can force. I'm learning these lessons as we go along.
LFL... I am happy your H initiated that talk with you and you are rebuilding the EC. I have to say I can relate to your sexual desires ( which for you have been stirred up by OM...who really wasn't an OM...and for me, my fantasy books and such). Making the reality of marriage work is so much harder, but hopefully ( and this is my hope) the intimacy with my H will be more fulfilling when there is more honest discussion.
As far as wishing our H's to be more aggressive, my H has told me that he just can't be that person with me, his wife...that it doesn't feel right for him. I appreciate the honesty and now I have to have the maturity to make some adjustments. My father once told me " you can't have it all" and those words haunt me sometimes...but he is a wise man and I get it now. I know you are working hard to figure all this out, as am I. Guess we'll have to keep passing each other the chocolate.
Thanks IHJ No one said M was easy. That's for sure. I can relate to your sexual desires ( which for you have been stirred up by OM...who really wasn't an OM...and for me, my fantasy books and such). Well, I'm glad I'm not totally wacky then But sometimes I do feel like I am in the minority. Someone brought up on another thread that his W hangs out with lots of other LD W's and that somehow supports the LD stance, so to speak. I thought about my own friend's and they almost all report being HD. "Birds of a feather..." And about the OM term, yes, we usually associate that with an A, and that was not the case for me, but I really don't know what to call him other than that. Seems to take too long to write out the man I had a sexual R with while separated from my H after he chose to leave. But you all pretty much know the story by now so I'm not too concerned about it. Sending some chocolate your way! I actually just finished eating a chocolate bunny still left over from Easter. Dipped it in peanut butter too, so there.
I can completely relate to your Tarzan/Jane thing it is quite natural after all. Biology designed us so we would prefer the rugged type and pass those genes on to our sons. It sounds like many of the LDH's have a lot in common, they generally tend to be introverted types with low levels of aggression/assertiveness. That personality type must be tricky as a M and they would have had to go through quite a bit to sort out their identity as males and decide who they are. I think inevitably they will have ditched the Tarzan image pretty quickly as neanderthal, they see themselves as intelligent, sensitive, 21st century guys and after all years of feminism during their formative years has been telling them that that's what women want. And in a way we do, just not in the bedroom is all.
I kind of think we might be instinctivey choosing the right genes by choosing these guys, after all they are the ones that fit in best in the 21st century and more likely to be bringing home the bacon to the little ones than the neanderthals - LOL
I went through a stage recently of not initiating at all with H just cause I was tired of it being me all the time - I wanted to be wanted. I'm glad you had that R talk it will have broken down the barriers. After H and I had our last big R talk things got better in that department. These things are always cyclical I find. Sometimes it's better just to keep initiating, at one point I was initiating about 4 times a week and we were doing great. I did get fed up that he never did, and after my period interrupted that phase we went back to me waiting for him and it never happening.
All I think I'm trying to say is don't put too much weight on who is the initiator - just have sex. If you keep having sex the EC stays good. Once the EC is flowing then it is easier to ask for things like H showing you he wants you once in a while.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
LFL, I meant to say yesterday that I also totally agree with the play aggression. When I was first with my bf, before I knew he was squeamish about such things, I asked him to hold my hands down on the bed above my head, and his reaction was (right in the middle of ML): "Who taught you THAT?!?" with shock and some disgust.
Warning TMI follows:
That wonderful lover that I had for many years used to hold my wrists together behind my back with one hand and grip the back of my neck with the other hand while doing me (on my knees) from the back--- whew! What a fantastic memory!
Never TMI for me Lil. That wonderful lover that I had for many years used to hold my wrists together behind my back with one hand and grip the back of my neck with the other hand while doing me (on my knees) from the back--- whew! What a fantastic memory! Om did the exact same thing but held my hair instead of the back of my neck. better stop reminiscing about that one
...but actually a very good R talk. We were sitting on the couch last night and he said "How are you feeling? Are you ok?" I almost started crying but held it together. 
And in a way we do, just not in the bedroom is all. 
