can be there by his side and help him work through it. That is what I am doing. I want this M to work or I wouldn't be here at all. I love him. We are just trying to figure out how to live with each of our very different personalites. I chose my H for some very good reasons and I need to remember that. Whether or not he fulfills my every sexual fantasy is not the issue. I can live without that, but I want to be able to be myself to, and be comfortable sharing with him. It's really more about the emotional aspects more than anything else. I feel stifled with him at times, that's what I want changed. catering to the alpha attraction I guess so. But that's what I like, sometimes. I wouldn't want him to completely change, I love many things about him that are not Alpha at all. It's just the mixture I find attractive. Can't have everything though. I personally see hair pulling as an aggressive act no matter what kind of spin is put on it. Consequently, I won’t do it. I am not sure what “normal” is in this regard, but I think your H’s viewpoints on this deserve respect and understanding.
Yes, it is aggressive, but to me that is different than violent. Semantics I guess. And you are so right. I need to respect his limits/boundaries on this issue. I need to stop being a spoiled brat and expecting to get what I want on this one. I'm dropping it. OH NO….wait.. you have not discussed OM sexual details with your H have you? How much have you told your H about that? What kind of impressions does your H have? This could be a huge issue right here.
Look, my H is fully aware of the sexual R I had while we were separated. He is man enough to understand that I went on with my life when he abandoned me and does not judge my choices. He has said I understand that you had a sexual R with someone else, I just don't want to hear the details. When the sexual aggression issues were discussed within our own M, he did ask at one point if OM was aggressive like that. I answered honestly and said yes. I'm sure that is not helping the situation and so out of respect for my H, I am not going to be discussing anymore of that type of sex act. It's not his thing to begin with and on top of it he probably has negative associations with OM. Can't blame him at all. That kind of reminds me of HeatherG's situation with her truck. She should get rid of it if her H is going to harbor resentment. My H probably harbors resentment about the OM although he has been wonderful about not rubbing that in my face. Just like I am trying to not rub it in his face that he left. It's not a tit for tat scenario luckily. But you are so right, that is probably a HUGE piece of the puzzle and I best stay right away from that can of worms.
