Inevitably, irrevocably, happy SSM? No such thing.

[Brian_M]

LFL:
The problem I have with me being the one to do the initiating is that whole assertive/submissive biology thing I have stuck in my head. I WANT the man to initiate.
I guarantee that your H knows this. Though, I doubt that he is holding back just to hurt you. On the contrary, I would be willing to bet you that your H probably has the topic of sex cross his mind a number of times an hour when he is around you. Considering your intense needs LFL, I am nearly certain that your body language broadcasts your desires clearer than a road side billboard. The problem is that your H is not interpreting your needs as a positive. If he has self confidence and depression issues, the thought of sex crossing his mind probably actually makes him feel worse and act more timid. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is not realistic to expect him to be the initiator right now because his mental state does not seem to be conducive to that happening. That is in no way a measure of how sexy and appealing you are to him. Thus, you really should try your best to lessen how much this hurts your feelings.

The cycle that you are stuck in will only resolve itself when you H’s confidence goes up, he gets a hold of his depression, and he finds the personal motivation to improve. If you want to be supportive of his progress, then you have to try your best to keep from excessively punishing him. Holding out on sex right now is definitely a form of punishing him. By holding out, you are sending a man that already has feelings of inadequacy a message that he has sunk so low that now you don’t even want him any more. Even worse, if you let this continue, the problem will escalate to something far worse once you two start snapping at each other due to this tension. My friendly advice to you is that I would suggest you reconsider your hold out tactic. Of course, keep your own happiness and needs as your first priority. Though, from there, it would really be best to give all you can to help reduce tension and create an emotional environment that gives your H the best possible footing to attack his emotional issues. In the mean time, if you need to vent and blow off steam, you have a lot of caring people here happy to listen.