Relationships, like everything in our world work best when there is equilibrium. If one person in a relationship does all of the caring, giving, etc..., then the scales become unbalanced and sooner or later the carer or giver becomes tired of doing all the work and becomes selfish at the total expense of the other person in the relationship. Thus, the walkaway.
When a relationship is on the rocks, this same principle can apply in reverse. When one person does all of the worrying and attempting to fix the relationship, it relieves the other person of their responsibility (or capability) to work on the relationship, thus causing the see-saw to tip in one direction only. As the person who is doing all of the worrying and fixing eases off, the other person, more often than not, starts to think more about the problems and their role in causing the problems. Once the see-saw is balanced, lasting changes in the relationship can be made, together.
That is why Michele's techniques work so well. By subtly changing our habits and working on ourselves, our spouse will notice and eventually change theirs, usually subconsciously. It is important not to "throw" your changes in your spouses face or force them to change for that very reason. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
I hope I haven't confused anyone with my rambling.
Greg
[This message has been edited by gbon (edited 10-12-2000).]
