However, the really frustrating fact is that your H has most of the work to do right now. As I said in one of my posts, the ball is kind of in his court right now. He cannot even begin to nurture you if he can’t keep a handle on his own depression. From there, he needs to do the same reality check in that he needs to realize that to make you happy, he needs change his own behaviors a great deal. This means that he has to learn to communicate beyond his currently comfortable levels. Also, he has to quit walking away from his wife and children when things get tough. You cannot trust a man who does not fully commit or who pulls that avoidance BS. Avoidance is another form of abandonment. Most importantly, he needs to step up his romantic and physical efforts. He is the LD partner, so it is his responsibility to drive the process of improving your SL. I assume this is what your MC is saying to him as well?
We are not in MC at this time. He is just in IC. We went for 4 months of MC after he left and it didn't seem to help all that much because he was really not engaged in the process. I really don't think that is something you can force a person to do. They need to be open to the C to make it effective.
Anyways, when we got back together we felt like we were managing things ok and he was still in IC so we didn't want to start up the MC again and dredge up old issues. Neither one of us feel like MC is a good idea right now. I think we have a good handle on the issues we need to work on. Now, we just need to DO it. A MC can't do that work for us.
Anyways, I am sort of watching to see if H is going to make any efforts after our fight this weekend. Maybe that is wrong to do, but like you said, he needs to start showing some more efforts. He was for a while, but I fear he is going to slip back into "avoidant/comfort" mode.
Last night, again no sex. A peck on the lips at bedtime and he rolled over. Didn't say a word, just started reading my book. Maybe this is the wrong tactic but I really want to see how long he'll go to avoid sex if I stop harping on it. Will he step up to the plate on his own? We'll see.
Considering my bias, I would look over at your H and say, “Are you f’ing crazy!!! You have what almost ever man in his right mind fantasizes about and your are risking throwing it away. Wake up and change right now!!!!”. Would that work? If you think there is any merit to the method, will you do the same for my W?

Lol. Well, hearing things like that make me feel good and bad at the same time. Part of me gets pissy, wondering why I am putting up with this BS. That he doesn't appreciate my sexuality at all. How can he lie next to me in bed every night and not even want to touch me? And having the OM experience last year makes it even more painful. It's not like I'm stuck in this 20 year old mindset and I think I'm hot stuff. I very sexy, attractive man thought I was very sexy and attractive just last year. Even after two babies, c-sections scars, a few more wrinkles here and there. sigh
But maybe I am having my own mlc. Scared to get old and then have No one think I'm attractive. If my H doesn't think I'm sexy now (at least sexy enough to want to F on a regular basis) then it ain't gonna get better when I'm 60.
But then again I have to stay focused that a lot of this is about HIM not ME. I can embrace my sexuality even if my H doesn't. But it still sucks.
will you do the same for my W? Lol. If only it were that easy. The irony being that perfect strangers can see things about you through a stupid computer keyboard that the people we love right in front of us either choose to ignore or really don't see at all. It's sad. It's frustrating. But I can see why people stay on this board for so long. It's nice to be understood on some level, even if it's all in cyber-space.
Thanks again for your kind words. Hope you are having a great day!