Inevitably, irrevocably, happy SSM? No such thing.

[Brian_M]

I'm 36 dammit!! Near 40 is 39. kidding
Doh! I know better than to ever talk about women and age in the same sentence. What was I thinking?

Well, again, it comes down to me ultimately having to lower my expectations/standards.
I am not going to say “lower”, but I will agree that your expectations will have to “change”. Your H will never be like you, no will he ever fit the preconceived mold you have in your head. Though, from the bits of your personalities that you have shared, I really do think that you CAN find a middle ground that will work for you both. In fact, I honestly believe that if you can make some key changes, then you two will evolve into something far greater than anything you can even imagine.

However, the really frustrating fact is that your H has most of the work to do right now. As I said in one of my posts, the ball is kind of in his court right now. He cannot even begin to nurture you if he can’t keep a handle on his own depression. From there, he needs to do the same reality check in that he needs to realize that to make you happy, he needs change his own behaviors a great deal. This means that he has to learn to communicate beyond his currently comfortable levels. Also, he has to quit walking away from his wife and children when things get tough. You cannot trust a man who does not fully commit or who pulls that avoidance BS. Avoidance is another form of abandonment. Most importantly, he needs to step up his romantic and physical efforts. He is the LD partner, so it is his responsibility to drive the process of improving your SL. I assume this is what your MC is saying to him as well?

Want to be my MC?
LOL…I don’t think that would work out so well. Considering my bias, I would look over at your H and say, “Are you f’ing crazy!!! You have what almost ever man in his right mind fantasizes about and your are risking throwing it away. Wake up and change right now!!!!”. Would that work? If you think there is any merit to the method, will you do the same for my W?


I will and thanks for the pep talk!
No problem. Just returning the favor.