Hi friend, yes I am here. I usually peek in once a day to see how things are going although my H would rather I didn't spend a lot of time here because it reminds me of what he did and that can spoil my PMA. I don't know if I can help you or not but I will try.
Detaching is the hardest thing to do and most of us can't do it until we have had about all we are willing to take from our spouses. I know it took me several months, but when I noticed that when I detached he came closer it made it easier to detach. I was becoming the best person I could be for myself. After 30 years of marriage and always doing everything for everbody else I was putting myself first. He liked the new happier me. (I was crying on the inside). So in the beginning detaching was a big act but over time I realized that no matter what his decision was I was going to be OK.
My sister had gone through something very similar a couple of years ago. She never spoke about it to the family but she knew that we knew what was going on. I confided in her the basics and asked her what finaly turned her H around. She told me when she had finally had enough and told him to just go because she didn't give a flip anymore what he decided to do he suddenly wanted to come home. Well I kept reading these boards and heard the same story over and over again. It seems many H's put thier wives though hell until the W just can't take anymore and detaches from their H's drama. This probably doesn't work for everyone but it is real common.
From what I could find around here your H has filed and isn't contacting you as much as he was a few months ago. Your H is out of the house and my H never left. My H didn't leave because he cared about our daughter getting through her first and extremely risky pregnancy without the stress and trauma of finding out what her father had become. I was lucky because this gave me several months to work on the mess I found myself in.
Without knowing more the best thing I can tell you is that don't give up until you are ready to give up but in the meantime let your H know that you still care about him and want him to be happy whatever that takes. Let him think you have accepted his decision. I am sure you can and should get others opinions on what to do. Remember too that you know your H better than any of us and trust your instincts where he is concerned.
Know that I will be praying for you to find some peace whether that be with your H or not.
