That was a great post Brian.
Really cheered me up.
Want to be my MC? You had some great suggestions. I'll comment on those in a sec, but first a little light-heartedness:

a beautiful and intimidating stranger I'll take the compliments where I can get them. Scored some points.
But then you lost them with this comment:
near 40s single women I'm 36 dammit!! Near 40 is 39. kidding

Seriously though, that was a very accurate description of my H's positive and negative traits. You seem to have a very keen ability to read people. And considering you are fairly new on this baord, I'm impressed.

My suggestion to you would be to give this 1000ft perspective of the pros and cons both a little thought. From, there, reevaluate realistic expectations of these issues. Your H is probably not going to be the guy to take the strong stands like you would prefer. Nor is he probably going to be the guy to overwhelm you with sexually charged romance. At best, you will only be able to lessen the impact of those current issues. Though, the really important thing is that you need to make the commitment that you can accept him, flaws and all, and still be happy with your life together. At moment, I don’t hear statements that lead me to believe you are really committed to compromising as much as you might need to.
Well, again, it comes down to me ultimately having to lower my expectations/standards. I know I have things to work on within myself, I will take responsibility for that piece of it. But when it comes to the SL, H is NOT going to be able to give me what I truly desire, I fully engaged, emotional man who can show his passion for me. That has never been him so I cannot expect him to do an about-face and turn into Mr. Emotional Alpha guy. He can make improvements but it's when we reach a slip up, like this weekend, I feel very discouraged. But that is MY issue not his. I am choosing to get down about that instead of just going with the flow more.
I also have a negative tendency when down to project into the future. When I am happy, I can stay in the moment and take things one day at a time, but right now, I keep seeing 5, 10, 20, years down the line and wonder what our M is going to be like. Will I look back with regret? I fear that more than anything I think.

I highly suggest that you try to avoid “heat of the moment” arguments right now though. Your yelling and his avoidance is not an effective communication technique.
We were doing so much better a month or two ago with these issues. Hopefully this weekend was just a mis-step. I have to remain hopeful or I'll just start sabotaging any continued progress. So yes, I will avoid the "heat of the moment" arguments and really try to not make my resentments any worse than they already are. I was really making progress on this and don't want to backtrack.

Try to stay positive and keep the hope of improvement alive. Take a look at the whole view, good and bad, then ask yourself, “How do I help to move this forward?” Good luck, stay strong, and know you are not alone.
I will and thanks for the pep talk!