Oh LFL, I am very sorry that you are hurting so much and feeling hopeless. I know I have only been around for a short while, but this is the most “down” you have ever come across. Thus, I am not going to ask you any more analysis questions this time. Instead, I am going to try and offer a little inspiration and support.

I can see how being down in the trenches makes things look so bleak right now. Thus, let’s step back for a minute and look at this from a higher level. On the plus side, your H was alpha enough to approach a beautiful and intimidating stranger and strike up a conversation. This alone speaks volumes about his character because it shows that underneath all this current bunk, he is a strong, confident, and assertive guy. From there, you have said that he is a best friend, a caring companion, attentive to your needs, helps around the house, and is a great father. Plus, he is smart, driven, successful and stable. Oh yea, and most importantly, he has great taste in music Based on those facts alone, I know a number of near 40s single women that give anything for a guy even half that. I am sure that you do too.

On the negative side, your H is a stifling depressive conflict avoider lacking self confidence. On top of that, he is not quite the sexual dynamo that you might have hoped. The negatives are clashing with your personality traits and needs resulting in a really painful home and interpersonal life. I am right there with you, those can certainly be deal-breaking issues.

My suggestion to you would be to give this 1000ft perspective of the pros and cons both a little thought. From, there, reevaluate realistic expectations of these issues. Your H is probably not going to be the guy to take the strong stands like you would prefer. Nor is he probably going to be the guy to overwhelm you with sexually charged romance. At best, you will only be able to lessen the impact of those current issues. Though, the really important thing is that you need to make the commitment that you can accept him, flaws and all, and still be happy with your life together. At moment, I don’t hear statements that lead me to believe you are really committed to compromising as much as you might need to.

Next step, you need a little H beat down session. He is being a selfish jerk wallowing in personal pity. He got his feeling hurt and threw his own type of tantrum. Specifically, he purposely ignored your needs as a way of punishing you. That kind of behavior cannot continue, nor should you tolerate it. You have ever right to be angry and hurt. With that said, I highly suggest that you try to avoid “heat of the moment” arguments right now though. Your yelling and his avoidance is not an effective communication technique. Instead, it would probably be best to talk these things over with a neutral third party like a MC. Plus, deferring the argument until you have both cooled down a bit is probably going to yield much better results.

I know you are running short of energy and motivation. Though, remember that today is a new day and new chance to do better. Try to stay positive and keep the hope of improvement alive. Take a look at the whole view, good and bad, then ask yourself, “How do I help to move this forward?” Good luck, stay strong, and know you are not alone.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates