LustForLife I am very sorry to hear that you had such a tough weekend. I know you have been working so hard to try and be patient with you H. This type of setback must have really seemed discouraging. Plus, your H managed to hit all your sensitive areas full force. Ouch.
He could barely say he was pissed off that we were fighting. He kept saying he was "hurt", "upset", "confused" etc but Never angry. I could tell he was saying things to try and just end the fight but that was pissing me off more because he always tries to conflict avoid. Why can't he just be Real with me and show some Real F-ing emotions!!! In case it helps, my guess is you did not see anger emotions from him simply because he was not feeling those emotions at the time. You have been pretty vocal here that you wish your H was more alpha, had more sex, showed more fire, and basically acted more the way that you do. If you have been that clearly vocal here, then your H most definitely knows these things too. Consequently, he is probably feeling like he is disappointing you and not living up to your expectations at a baseline level. Feeling like you are letting some one you love down can really make a guy feel like rejected, like less of a man, and suck confidence right away. If he was in fact thinking those things, then when your fight rolled around on Friday, he was probably focusing on those “hurt” and “upset” feelings and less on the anger feelings like you were. Then, based on your post, I am going to guess that you probably started to yell at him and get visibly angry. If so, then your reactions would have only fed his inadequacy fears which in fact would have made the problem you are complaining about worse. This sounds to be a really vicious cycle that you two are in right now. Well, that is my guess. Though, of course you were there, so what do you think? Any credence to my theory? Why do you feel he focused on hurt instead of anger like you were? Also, why is it so important to you that he vent anger in the way you want? What does it feel like to you when he stays calm and somber while you are seething with anger?
On this same topic, LFL, what were your parents like growing up in this regard? As a child, did you see your parents yelling at each other a lot? Was one parent more calm and collected while the other was more fiery? What about other BFs? Have you historically been attracted to men that would yell and be dominate in arguments? Now, to flip this around, why is it so hard for you to control your anger and communicate the way your H wants to? What happens when you two exchange frustrations in a clam fashion? Do you feel he does not understand or hear what you are saying?
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
