VENT:
Yesterday was a little stressful for H and I because we ended up geting into fight about him being too "rigid." He tends to be a perfectionist and is slightly OCD. So if things don't fit into his neat little comfort zone, he tends to get anxious and clearly uncomfortable in his surroundings. The fact that I was pointing this out to him made him even more upset. He kept saying, I thought things were going so good. I thought we were happy." He also tends to catastrophize things as well.
So all of these traits wrapped together just make me worry some because in the back of my head I'm thinking, this is how he was before and he ended up leaving. Granted the depression isn't there anymore but some of his personality traits just make me concerned. I could see him getting more anxious as we had the fight and I told him to just tell me what he thought, what was he thinking, I want to hear it, especially any bad. He could barely say he was pissed off that we were fighting. He kept saying he was "hurt", "upset", "confused" etc but Never angry. I could tell he was saying things to try and just end the fight but that was pissing me off more because he always tries to conflict avoid. Why can't he just be Real with me and show some Real F-ing emotions!!!
Anyways, we went to bed shortly after and he didn't even give me a good night kiss. Well, I couldn't let that one slide so I confronted him on that too! I feel like we should be able to Talk about these things if our M is going to survive. I want to have that kind of M. I'm tired of having to cover up our feelings (our rage, our hurt, our sexuality, etc).
So this morning things seemed better. We went to a birthday party at a friend's house, H started drinking with his friends and made a few comments related to last nights fight but in a jokey way. I thought it was very passive aggressive but let it slide since we were in the middle of the party. In fact, I dropped the whole thing because I didn't want to have a repeat of last night and frankly, I'm still freaking horny and wanted to have sex when we got home. So we get the kids to bed, I climb on top of him while he's on the couch watching tv, and he says "it's just not going to happen." I think this is the first time he has out-right rejected such a blatant sexual advance from me since our reconciliation. He blamed the alcohol and said maybe later. He was asleep about 10 minutes later. Yep, fast asleep 9pm on a Saturday night. And here I am typing on this damm computer instead of F-ing my H.
Ok, vent over.