That is exactly where I am kind of going with this. Could it be that the disconnect and resulting unhappiness that led to your separation could have been founded to a degree by your desire to “find your identity”? It would really make sense that if you feld “something was missing” that you might have unintentionally vented on your only outlet, your H. In turn, he might have interpreted that as if he was not giving you something you needed. Hence, his feelings and confidence could get squashed under the weight of a perceived inadequacy resulting in an even more shy and timid behavior. I know so little about you that I certainly don’t mean to take too many leaps. Though, I could definitely bridge a connection between your state and your H’s behavior. What do you think LFL?
Subconsciously more for me than for him. I think even in his depressed state he was more aware that we were totally disconnected. I was somewhat more in denial, not that we were happy necessarily, but that anything bad would happen to our M. It wasn't until after he left that he verbalized to me how much pain he had been in that we had drifted so far apart, like I said, specifically friendship wise, since the sexual disconnect was always somewhat there. And yes, I totally agree that he probably felt "squashed" as a man with our sexual problems and then to add insult to injury, we no longer had our solid friendship.
See, that is exactly my point! I won’t presuppose for all women, but I can at least say that in my experience, the women I have known don’t have sexual fantasies about the “nice guy”. This fact sends men a very conflicting message and makes it really hard to maintain self esteem.
I strongly disagree that women (at least this woman) does not have sexual fantasies about the "nice guy." But yes, they tend to be more love-based fantasies and not as graphic as the raw sexual fantasies people can have. But men do this too. I'm sure guys can get off on some slutty porno girl fantasy for pure sexual pleasure but yet still have more romantic fantasies about being "in love" with someone they are attracted to, no? It's not gender specific. It's conflicting for women as well. Also why women are often wary of the Alpha male in terms of his level of sincere feelings for the woman. We want that in a man but it also puts us on guard. Simply because the Alpha male with the sensitive, nice guy traits is a rare bird.
