Threads without your brand of direct unabashed candor just are not as interesting or enlightening. Thanks for that flattering compliment. is your thought that you long for a more progressive M or is it that you really long to be back in a time when we were young, life was simple, and it was acceptable act as such? Out of curiosity, how were your teens and 20s? Were those thrilling and wild years for you? Alternatively, were you the committed long-term R girl back then?
Well, let's see, teen years, hmmm, never had a date until I was 18 but I clearly remember being "boy crazy" in high school. My friends and I were not in the popular crowd, not total nerds either. More like the freaks in high school I guess. But good kids. Always got good grades, that sort of stuff. Sort of nerdy cool. We thought we were cool anyways. About the boy crazy, I was very shy. Guys just didn't approach me that much. But I had these elaborate fantasies (even back then) about having a sexual and love R with many of them. Summer of 1988, between high school and college, was a real turning point. Came out of my shell. Met lots of new friends in the next town over. Started hanging out at clubs downtown. Just having fun, exploring music, exploring the opposite sex. Those are good memories. So the undergrad years came and it was certainly a time of finding my first "love". Dated him on and off (mainly on) for those four years. Had some other sexual partners when we were "on a break." lol Shortly after undergrad, met H out at a bar. We were inseperable from that point on. Saw each other every day. Moved in together about a year after dating. Married about 2 years after that. I think of those years as pretty good times. The most stress came with the kids I think. In my 20's we traveled all the time, went to grad school, just had so much more freedom to work on ourselves individually. In my 30's, we becamse real "adults." Babies, and all that goes along with that. Minivans, blah blah. We both sort of went into our own worlds. I focused on the kids and he focused on work but we lost each other in the process. Quite common for M's at this stage. Sex was more and more of an issue and we just really hit the wall by 2004. Separated and then reconciled fall 2005. Would I do any of it differently? Yes but I can't. I do not dwell on the past too much. I'm actually looking forward to what the future holds. I thought I knew my future back in 2004 but I was wrong. So I don't take anything for granted anymore. Just try to make myself happy and hope it makes our M happier in return. So, do I want a more progressive M? It depends on what you mean. Progressive for us I guess. No longer enmeshed. Free to do what we feel is right for us as individuals. When it comes to sex, I still have a desire for more. That worries me at times because I wonder what it is I'm really looking for. Is it the sex, the love, the "in love" feeling, some romance, some affirmations? This seems to be a common theme in your writing, the need for affirmation. Assuming a perfect world for a minute, how would you most like affirmations conveyed? What would the mix of techniques look like? The mix of techniques, hmmm. A perfect guy to me would be both Mr. Assertive/Aggressive as well as Mr. Sensitive Good Guy. An Alpha male who can be assertive in the bedroom yet when out of the bedroom, he "gets" me on a very personal, friendship, emotional level. He shares easily. He expresses himself easily and can show his emotions. He respects me and thinks I am an interesting person. He's extremely smart but never cocky about any of it. I'm not sure this guy could even exist in reality. But you did ask in terms of a "perfect world." So I guess the affirmations, ideally, are a mixture of both outward sexual behaviors from him and verbal expression of his feelings about me.
