Didn't want to hog F4W thread anymore so brought Mojo's comments over here:
"Yeah, that's why it was pretty lame when I threatened to take a lover. A woman who can not co-ordinate wardrobe accessories is not capable of co-ordinating a husband and a lover. My H is the one who has threatened to leave repeatedly due to my demands. The very first Schnarchian encounter we had years ago, he started throwing stuff in a suitcase and then just last weekend he was talking about getting his own apartment. What I have to watch in myself is my previous pathetic tendency to be sick with fright when he does this and my current angry tendency to start thinking "Hey, that might just be a good idea." when he threatens. I am 90-something% certain that he wouldn't actually go through with it if left to his own devices or would end up feeling pathetic like your H if he went so far. But, now that I think about it, Cobra does have a point when he says that this kind of behavior or level of interaction is risky. During a fight, my FIL's live-in girlfriend of 10 years angrily said "Why don't you just go then?!". My FIL reacted by simply walking out, driving 1500 miles away to stay with my H and me temporarily and then marrying another woman within a few monthes."
Funny how the person that tends to threaten to leave all the time or keeps telling the other person to leave, is so shocked when it actually happens. My H's father left his mom after years of BS like that. She was devastated. Had NO insight into the damage that was going on in her M. Guess it's not that rare. Anyways, on a lighter note (sort of), wouldn't it be nice if it was socially acceptable to take a lover while M. I think I would do fairly well at that. I can manage more than one man at a time. Could even love more than one man at a time. But, alas, only men can get away with that polygamy set-up. And I'd NOT accept my H doing the same thing so I guess that alternative lifestyle won't really work for us. But in all seriousness Mojo, you have been with this man for a long time. It would be wonderful if you could work it out with him. But sometimes, like they say, love is not enough. I truly believe there are plenty of people "out there" who would be great matches for us. It is scary to start over but it also opens up a whole new world to you. I have a strong feeling if you or your H decide to actually separate that you will do just fine, maybe even thrive. Do you think you can do that within your M too?
