Inevitably, irrevocably, happy SSM? No such thing.

[Brian_M]

My sister and I have frequently discussed the odd fact that some guys who seem sensitive and intelligent outside of bed can be complete clods sexually and vice versa. Of course, this doesn't mean that there aren't any men around who are good both in and out of bed.

Mojo, you bring up a good point. We live in such a sexually repressed society that it is not even polite to talk about sexual needs out loud. Though, like every other personality trait, people have different preferences and appetites in this area, just like in every other human trait. If that is the case, they why is that we date and marry blindly without even really giving physical needs due consideration? Why is it ok to ask some one if they like tomatoes, but it not socially acceptable to ask how many times a week a person wants to get together? I swear, this is sick joke that LD and HD people get hooked up and don’t realize it until years later.

You are talking about “in love” feelings here? Those go away in most long-term R.

Wow, I know I am only a novice with a mere 6 year R, but I really hope that statement is not true. Even when contemplating D, I have always been “in love” with my W. On the flip side, I understand getting upset with and “not liking” a partner at times, but that is the most extreme emotional shift I would think to be “normal”. I don’t want to go down a bad road, but can you explain what you mean by loosing the “in love” feelings? Also, would you say that you feel in love with your H today or has that changed?

Not the hot sex as much as the need to feel desired, wanted, loved, etc.

Ah, so are you saying that “hot sex” is a communication channel that you pick up the feelings of being desired, wanted, loved from? I am sure this is sore topic, but can you get those feelings from your H in any other way?

As Lil stated, the bedroom is just a microcosm of what is going on in the rest of the R/M.

Lil, you are my hero! I have been trying to summarize this feeling to my W for a long time. Though, this is a very direct and elegant way to phase the idea. Thanks.