Mojo wrote: "I was wondering what your story was- as in "Why in the heck did she get back together with H after hot sex during separation?". I assumed it was mostly due to the fact that you have young children. So, your lover was the "no talk-all cock" type, huh. My sister and I have frequently discussed the odd fact that some guys who seem sensitive and intelligent outside of bed can be complete clods sexually and vice versa. Of course, this doesn't mean that there aren't any men around who are good both in and out of bed. I am confident that this is the case because there are definitely lots of guys who suck in both instances. Though, unfortunately, my field of data is limited due to the fact that I never f*cked anyone over the age of 25 except my H."
I felt the same way at first. Why am I getting back together with H? It has a lot more than the kids to do with it, although that is a major factor. I think of my H as my best friend, also something hard to find in a mate. Of the two times I feel like I have really been “in love” in my life, I had a strong friendship base with each of them. Meaning that I was able to have an emotional, intellectual connection with them, very similar world views, interests, etc. One was my H and one was my boyfriend thru college. They were soooo different though too, which I find interesting. With my ex-boyfriend, we had a very volatile R. We would go for weeks having these amazing discussions about life and intellectual topics and at the same time have this amazing SL. But we also clashed in our temperaments I guess because we were constantly breaking up and getting back together. It was very passionate but with a strong friendship base at the same time. We wanted to be friends after college but we knew that our sexual chemistry would be too “dangerous” in a platonic R long-term. We eventually drifted apart when I started dating H. H was everything I wanted in terms of intellect, interests, humor, and very important at the time, stability. We went out for almost 2 years without one fight! VERY different then my previous experience so I figured we were meant to be. The SL aspect, like I have stated, was never passionate. That part came back to bite us in the azz later on but it is getting sorted out at this time. So I know there are people out there Mojo who can meet many of our needs. All of them? Very rare. You need to be willing to work with the R/M you are in and come to some acceptance of that, otherwise, like you have been contemplating, it may be time to get out. But then what? So you find a R like I did while separated and sure it meets lots of sexual needs, but you are missing some major factors that can make a R work. And lets not forget we transfer most of our own issues onto any new R/M so simply leaving one M, does not mean the next one will be any different, without problems, etc.
